You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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