conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
