So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
