Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Still dying that you shit outside
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know her cup size but not her name....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
