something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
