i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
