Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
