New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
only you would photoshop your dick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
