my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize