Im at strip club and am horny
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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