I think I died a long time ago.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
