Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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