you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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