omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Boobs speak an international language.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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