I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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