You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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