We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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