i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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