i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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