Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
