What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You left your phone here
Wait...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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