According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
