So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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