he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
