she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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