I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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