You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
