end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
