she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
