you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
