Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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