I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
