...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
