I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
