I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
