And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
