two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
