I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
