if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
