I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
