turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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