the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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