I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
