youre lurking in front of me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
