Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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