i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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