Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
