4 words: hood of his car
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
