good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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