there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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