Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So many bounce houses so little time
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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