Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
