I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
