If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
