Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We are two peas in an std pod
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
