apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
