we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
