That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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