I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
