come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
