Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
