He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize