question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
