First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
