In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
